so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Two words: blizzard sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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