do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
