In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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