we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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