you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
