I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
