what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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