I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
