he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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