I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
