She said her name was "party"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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