i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
