Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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