I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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