I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so let's talk penis.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
