Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
