You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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