Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
