Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
