I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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