I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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