When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
