I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
