I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
