I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
