where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
