connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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