Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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