i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
