Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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