is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
