You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
