He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
