I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
