I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
