If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
