Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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