xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
