my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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