I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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