I puked a lego.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
