My room smells like vodka and shame
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
