the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
