uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
