you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
