One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
