FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
