Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
