She tied me up with her honor cords...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
