Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
